All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
