So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
