I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize