I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
