So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
