Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We need a shit load of segways right now
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So vagazzling was a success
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