It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
