I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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