I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
