You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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