saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
