We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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