She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you never un-have a 4some
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
