Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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