tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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