My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
