he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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