her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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