I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
okay pat passed out under dana's car
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
