I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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