The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
