1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
