I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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