Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
