using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
