I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
