There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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