hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
