Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
