Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
