Christians are straight up FREAKS
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
