sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
