um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
