I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
