Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize