I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
