"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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