Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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