youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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