wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
