remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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