New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
