saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
