Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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