I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
