Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
