Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ketchup is God's man juice
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
