just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
