I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
