Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
