I wish I could punch you in the face.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
