note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
