I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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