I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
