My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
