why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
