I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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