He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
