chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
