it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize