Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
