Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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