According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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