the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
