I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
