i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
