That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
