Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just had sex bonerless
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
