god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
