Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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