I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize