LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
