He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
