do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize