then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
